On The Finishing Of "On The Road"

I finished On the Road this past week, and it's hard to put into words just what I thought. I love Jack Keroauc's writing for the same reason I love Alan Ginsberg's: because of the nuggets of perfect phrases that they contain. The phrases that make me read and reread them, and then underline them in my book. FOR EXAMPLE. Describing the act of post-making-love, he says,

"Then, like two tired angels of some kind, hung-up forlornly in an L.A. shelf, having found the closest and most delicious thing in life together, we fell asleep and slept till late afternoon."

The closest and most delicious thing in life together. It's hard to describe how reading things like this makes me feel.

But I digress.

On the Road was like a 300 page beat poem, and unlike most novels, it seemed to have no clear focus. It was a novel written entirely in feelings and urges and manic drug highs. It was truly interesting to read, not only for the fact that it's Jack Kerouac, but more for his blunt, honest descriptions of the people he encounters. From people with whom he hitchhikes to his aunt to Dean Moriarty (Neal Cassady) to any jazz player he meets, his descriptions of them are always such that you can imagine being in the same room as these characters. Which is a really cool thing.

I liked the book, I really did. However, I felt like most of it went over my head. But I own the book, so I'll be taking it with me to college and such, and perhaps next time I read it, it will make more sense. I also felt like I would understand it SO much more if I read it while I was high. Not in a hurry to try that one...

Overall, a good book which I would recommend that anyone who likes the Beat generation should read. But don't hold it to such high standards that it becomes impossible to be satisfied when you're done.

I Am Jack's Total Lack of Ambition.

#BeginRant

There are pros and cons to blogging, as there are to everything.

Among the pros: at your best, it can make you feel like the top of the whole freaking world, like a lighthouse from which shines all of your brilliant ideas. At your worst, it can be the ultimate best friend: the one that simply listens to your complaints and angst and never says a thing about it and is always there for you.

The one con I am running in to along this magical, AP Lit, adding more stuff to my plate than I need to journey is that sometimes it makes me feel like I am an intrinsically uninteresting person with nothing worth blogging about. That said, I only usually feel like this after I've exposed myself to a half an hour or so of raw teenage angst and hate on tumblr (**disclaimer: I love tumblr, don't get me wrong. And there are a lot of good, cool people on there. But you can't escape the angst.)

#EndRant

I. Feel. Great.

Big turn around from yesterday... If anybody reading this had to interact with me yesterday, they know it was not fun. Simply put, it was one of those days where something could easily put you in a good mood, but the whole world decides not to. Just a plain old bad day.

And then today... well today was a totally different story. It was like nothing could put me in a bad mood, and nothing even tried. For so many reasons, today was great. I feel like I'm on top of the world.

And so it got me thinking... maybe its those really bad no-amount-of-coffee-can-make-me-hyper days that makes the days like these all that much more amazing. For example, what if today had happened without the badness of yesterday. Would it feel the same? Does sugar in the middle of a meal taste less sweet then sugar eaten directly after salt?

Regardless, it tastes sweet. And I'm loving the taste.

The Book That's In My Backpack?

On The Road. By Jack Kerouac. 

And of course, it's fantastic. It's like Howl told with a different voice. From a different perspective. And I really love Howl. Especially since I saw the movie, which was so incredibly good.

I've been putting off reading more of the Beat generation mostly because I don't have time, but partially (I suppose) because I'm afraid I wouldn't like it. And there is a part of On The Road that doesn't captivate me quite like Howl did (does?). Not every line resonates with that awe-inspiring.... I don't know. That feeling when your heart just tingles just the right way after the voice in your head reads the line. Perfect example:

"But then they danced down the street like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

Only Keroauc could make a run-on sentence so poetic. Reading work from the Beat generation allows me to live vicariously through people who have long since lived their life. It's so magical. They all have lived their lives and made stories and (thank god) written it all down. And now, I get to live in their shoes, at least a little bit. I mean, look at them. Who wouldn't want to live in their shoes?

Ginsberg                                              Kerouac

People talk all the time about escaping into a book, but I can't do this most times. Kerouac I can read in random lobbies of collegiate buildings. 

The Beat generation is so exhilarating. It's such a contradiction though. I mean, as I understand it, people were disdainful of this group. This ragtag group who wrote and smoked and drank and had sex. Who published things with obscenities whose very merit was questioned in court. But as much as they were held in contempt in their time and told that they didn't contribute anything to society, they ended up contributing so much. Ask any english teacher. The Beat generation contributed something inarguably awesome (as much as that word is over-used now, I mean it in the absolute sense of the word: filling me with awe) to the field of literature. 

p.s. If you're ever doubting that Kerouac truly embodied (represented?) the Beat generation, just google search "beat generation"....

"Do One Thing Every Day That Scares You"

The title of this post is a quote from "Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen", a hypothetical (but never actually given) commencement speech written by not Kurt Vonnegut (as was rumored) but by Mary Schmich, a columnist with the Chicago Tribune in 1997. Later it was voiced by Baz Luhrmann.

If you haven't listened to it, here it is: Click me!!!

Anyway, on to Doing Scary Things.

I've been listening to this more and more and that particular line always sticks out to me. So I've been making an effort to push myself a little more and also to notice when I do things that scare me. And I think I've been doing a pretty good job of it. Now in my opinion, if you do one thing every day that scares you, you'll just be neurotic. But 4 days a week? That's doable.

So this blog post will be a forever changing chronicle of the things I have done day-to-day that have scared me.

11/2- Getting filmed. And standing my ground with a teacher...

11/3- Can't remember.

11/4- Field show for marching band. It always scares me, every time, but it's worth it.

11/5- Huge baby shower where I only knew 4 people.

11/6- Open house. (scared of doing something wrong). Also Krylon-ing the canvases because I was afraid of ruining them.

11/7- Welp. Transporting the canvases. Taking the train from Newark instead of Wilmington. Walking to the dorm building solo. Surprising him (so many things could go wrong!). Walking in the city in general (cars are ruthless and fast).

11/8- Watching Glee (klaine....) With my papa. (not super scary, but still)

11/9- Blood drive. And Jazz band. (The latter is by far the scarier)

okay so obviously this has been abandoned. It was a nice thought though...

Keep in mind, I'm not talking about gotta-go-change-my-pants scared or anything like that. I'm just talking about the day-to-day fears everyone has. And seeing if I really do one thing every day that scares me. It's a bit of an experiment I suppose.

The video's worth a watch too...

A Post During The Writing Of Which My Opinion Changed

Forever reaching but never quite grasping. This is how I feel when I blog. Because I blog when I have a thought, or at least a notion, some feeling or a vague hint in my brain at something more. But more often than not I can’t quite grasp it.

I’m a hypocrite I guess. It annoys me to no end when people blog about things that seem to be so very far beyond their grasp. Or even very close but still beyone their grasp, I suppose. Like if someone introduces a concept and doesn't take it further than the very obvious. It's what I do all the time, but it still gets me.


But perhaps it is truly necessary for us as humans to do this. Or if not necessary, then at least in our nature. I suppose most of what we do is driven by the longing to fully grasp that for which we are reaching. Be it religion, or traveling, or friendships, or sports, we are constantly trying to move upward and onward, towards better things. Or simply different things, as it were. 


And so we reach. And reach. And, as F. Scott Fitzgerald said, "It eluded us then but that's no matter-tomorrow we will run faster, stretch our arms farther." 
In light of that, I suppose these reaching-but-not-quiiiiite-grasping blogs are a necessary jumping-off point. They tone our minds, expand them to fit new and different ideas. Kind of like how you can't run a 6 minute mile without a little practice first, no matter how infuriating that practice is. 

        

Infinity? (Jul 2nd, 2011 9:54pm)

Soo  I was about to make a post about how the feeling of being "infinite" has come up in both Paper Towns and in Perks of Being a Wallflower. Going to get the exact quote from Paper Towns, I find an entire Nerdfighter forum topic about this exact thing.

"Radar revs the engine as if to say hustle, and we are running through the parking lot, Ben's robe flowing in the wind so that he looks vaguely like a dark wizard, except his skinny legs are visibly, and his arms hug plastic bags. I can see the back of Lacey's legs beneath her dress, her calves tight in midstride. I don't know how I look, but I know how I feel: Young. Goofy, Infinite." (254)

This quote also ties into the whole feeling infinite thing:

"When adults say, "Teenagers think they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail."

— John Green (Looking for Alaska)

I'm m not a together enough writer to make all of this focused on one point..... food for thought I guess. :)